Seriously?

I feel boring. I feel like nothing is happening...good or bad. That makes me frustrated, because I feel entitled to a good 'happening'. I'm certainly long overdue. I want to have a reason to say "Things are really looking up!", but I don't. I guess I should be thankful that things aren't going to hell in a hand basket, but how long do I have to wait? I don't want to feel sad, I don't want to feel lonely, I don't want to feel lost, I don't want to feel empty, and I'm certainly tired of feeling 'blah'. 'Blah' is nonproductive, and its getting me no where in a hurry. All of those tips and tricks to boost my mood are getting old and rather routine to be honest. I find myself reflecting on the notion of 'rebuilding out of the ashes'. Now that all of the ashes have settled, I find my same self standing in the middle of them unchanged. By that, I mean that nothing spectacular has been rebuilt. Its just me. Going home to my dog every night. Doing my laundry. Keeping my house. Going to work. Its just me...I don't understand. 5 months ago, this is exactly where I expected myself to be. That's frustrating to me. 5 months ago, inside the depression, shock, and grief, I had these minimal expectations to simply return to a halfway normal life. That's all that's happened. It makes me sick. Throw me a bone, life.