Killin' With Kindness

This is how my day started: alarm at 6:35, awake at 7:10, 10 minutes past the time I usually leave for work. Forgot my breakfast. Didn't have time to get gas. Rolled in to work at 7:56. I ate chips for breakfast, because a brownie didn't sound like breakfast food. Went home for lunch at 1 and cried for a little while. Rushed back to work to be on time for my 2pm appointment, and they cancelled. So I'm sitting in my office with a blank stare trying to decide how I should react while simultaneously managing flash backs of the lake sara fire works for the last 5 years (the radio announced they had changed the date, so I was triggered). Here is what happened.

This is my list of the things that currently make me happy. (Certainly a very different list from this time last year).

- My dog, hands down, every time. Especially when she wants to cuddle and hug me when I get home.
- baking
- laughing with my families
- riding my 4wheeler
- cookouts
- going to the movies
- massages....oohhhh yes.
- sleeping in
- organizing and control (like...a list haha)
- crafting and being creative
- being the best/succeeding
- ice cream
- mexican food (this includes margaritas)
- learning
- coloring
- having lots of pillows
- The Big Bang Theory
- making eggs every sunday for me and cheyenne
- growing my roses
- sudoku
- money (stability)

In the last couple days, I've had two cashiers ask me if im a mom with the intent of wishing me a good weekend. Ive also been on facebook to read several moms bitching about their husband and children. Parenthood was on our radar (christmas, actually). I should have been celebrating mother's day today with my husband. To all of the young moms with 6 kids by various sperm donors who refuse to work, rest on government assistance programs, and have no motivation to better yourself or your family, screw you. I hope eventually you see the error in your ways and work hard to make a better life. I did everything right, but YOU got the reward.

Some Bad Day Boosters

I was on pinterest today, of course, and decided to browse through my inspirational/grieving quotes. Here are some of my favorites spanning from 8/2013-present

• Optimist: Someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it's a cha-cha. -Robert Brault
• The only thing I know is this: I am full of wounds and still standing on my feet. -Nikos Kazantzakis
• Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different... -C.S. Lewis
• Cheer up, sweet beautiful girl. You are going to love again and it will be magnificent -Unknown
• Remember that you were given this life because you're strong enough to live it. -Unknown
• She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails. -Elizabeth Edwards
• If you must die, sweetheart, die knowing your life was my life's best part. -Unknown
• Do not worry that you life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come? -Rumi
• The thing about chaos, is that while it disturbs us, it too, forces our hearts to roar in a way we secretly find magnificent. -Christopher Poindexter
• Storms make trees take deeper roots. -Dolly Parton
• I loved you like there was no tomorrow.. and then one day there wasn't. -Unknown
• And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in." -Unknown
• The Uses of Sorrow (In my sleep I dreamed this poem) Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift. -Unknown
• Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith. -Margaret Shepard
• Don't be scared to walk alone. Don't be scared to like it. -John Mayer
• You don't need another human being to make your life complete, but let's be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn't see them as disasters in your soul but cracks to put their love into is the most calming thing in this world. -Emery Allen
• The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. -Elizabeth Kubler Ros
• Write hard and clear about what hurts. -Ernest Hemingway
• It ain't the whiskey. It ain't the cigareetes, It ain't the stuff I smoke. It's all these things I can't forget. It ain't the hard times. It ain't the all nights. It an't that easy, 'cause it ain't the whiskey that's killin' me. -Gary Allen "It Ain't The Whiskey"
• The truth is that airports saw more sincere kisses than wedding halls. The walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of the churches. -Unknown
• On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possible endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100%, and that's pretty good. -Unknown
• When someone is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words. -Thema Davis

                  *And my favorite...*

• The devil doesn't come to you with his red face and horns, he comes to you disguised as everything you've ever wanted. -Unknown

"Woe to those who make unjust laws, Woe to those who issue oppressive decrees, to deprive the poor of their rights and withhold justice from the oppressed of my people, making widows their prey and robbing the fatherless. You shall not afflict any widow or fatherless child. If you afflict them in any way and they cry to me, I will surely hear their cry." Isaiah 10:2

"The Lord watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin." Psalm 146:9

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever." Psalm 23