Feeling lonely is terribly exhausting. For a year now I've contributed my feelings of loneliness to the obvious: I want Steven back. And I do. I want him back, and I'd there's nothing I wouldn't do to fix all of this. Except that's not an option. It's getting harder and harder for me to tell the difference between wanting Steven and wanting companionship. That's scary. I don't know if I know how to do that. But I'm overwhelmed by both the insane desire to make it happen and do something about it, and extreme fear of failure, disappointment, and judgment. I'm beginning to see that this is the very reason I feel so unstable. Ideally, a solution would randomly be dropped in to my lap and I could feel less awful.
...wranglers are a plus, too.
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