It just keeps getting better. Remember about a year ago when i was so upset that i couldnt catch a break? Im still waiting. I have a beautiful tree in my living room, and i went a whole afternoon shopping by myself. Ive been out woth friends having a great time, but none of that is fixing christmas. I feel like im still in october. Maybe my mind froze itself there to prepare for a significant surge of emotions november through january. Today ive felt as if im tangled in a mess of rope waving my arms trying to get out. At the same time im being sprayed by a cold hose and everyone is laughing. That is what i feel right now. Such a shame. A cryin shame. Last year i can remember thinking, 'just get through this one...surelyby next year i will have someone to spend time with.' Now what do i tell myself? By easter? By summer? I dont know whats supposed to happen or where to start or if i should even be trying? Whatever i have been doing has got me this far, but thats not far enough for me. I dont even know, and neither does anyone else. I wamt to scream at the world and at God that i had everything figured out and now thats fucked. So im having to start over and rebuild. Here we go.
Halleluia, holy shit. Wheres the tylenol?
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