Still grieving...

I've slacked on blogging lately, but I don't feel bad about it. There's not a lot to say. I can update the same boring post about being frustrated or reiterate that many of the cliches associated with grief are inaccurate. I could, but I chose not to. Instead, I've been focusing on getting back in to the swing of things. I feel that I've established I pretty decent routine. Things are more quiet in my life now. The chaos has settled, and the whispers of horrible rumors have faded (but are still there...). I'm learning more about myself, and I'm using lessons I learned with Steven to carry on my life. I'm not 'moving on', but there is a sense of normalcy about me now. As reality sets in, I accept it little bits at a time. Something I've struggled with is the idea of happiness. I felt a lot of guilt when I tried to be happy. That indicates to me that I wasn't as far along with grief as I had hoped. I'm starting to feel ok with being happy. I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my life and all the horrible pieces in it. I guarantee I will still have 'lost' days where I will revert right back to the negative feelings, but I see that those days are fewer now. I don't feel so much like a tornado. Its more like a bad storm that isn't causing any significant damage. Storms are fascinating. So much potential for destruction, but who can ignore the beauty of the lightning and the calming sounds of the rain? That's why grief is like a storm.