Several different realities.

I'm a logical person. In every situation I encounter, I perceive the problem as a puzzle. I gather the pieces I need to put together in order to make a whole picture that makes sense. Its my 8-5 job. Unfortunately, this is something my brain is having a hard time handling as well. My brain already has pieces about me  from my past. They included Steven, our marriage, our plans for the future, and our life together. That puzzle was already growing pre-8/9/13. My brain had a good grasp on what pieces it needed in order to complete or grow the puzzle. Reality is throwing new puzzle pieces at my brain, and none of them fit the puzzle its already started. So, in order to make sense of this, its starting a separate puzzle.

This may not seem like such a big deal. Consider this. If my life is supposed to be one big flowing, growing puzzle, then why are there two puzzles going? My brain can't handle these and doesn't know how to put these two puzzles together. In a sense, I'm shifting constantly between two different schools of thought. I can't exist in both of these 'worlds' at the same time. I long to stay with the past where my puzzle was growing (you know, the brain doesn't like change. we are creatures of habit). However, my reality is making decisions about my future. The brain wants to complete the other puzzle before starting a new one, and that just isn't possible.

I think eventually the puzzles in my mind will settle their differences and merge for the good of all involved. Compare this to the twix commercial where they try to initiate a merger between the left twix and the right twix. Clearly, both sides are better off together. Neither is willing to settle, so they are stuck in two separate factories. Its a constant battle in my mind as my thoughts try to filter in to the right categories. Eventually, the puzzles will have to merge for me to move forward with my life. That isn't today, and it probably won't be tomorrow.