Sorry, wrong widow.

It has always boggled my mind how much people bitch about what they have. I'm complete guilty of bitching, but I've never been ungrateful. I'll bitch about being on crisis call, or having to buy a new mirror for my vehicle, or when my dog shreds a box of kleenexs on my carpet. Never have I ever bitched about my life. Even now, after all of this nonsense and nightmare, I'm still tickled that I've had this life with him for 5 years. I was thinking about guilt and regret today. There's a lot of cliches floating among the grieving community: "I wish I would have said 'I Love You' more often." "I wish I could have told them how I felt." "I wish I could go back and change xyz about our relationship." "I wish I would have showed him more love." Nope. Not this kid.

I'm not guilty of any of those. I told him every day that I loved him. Always in the morning, sometimes at 2:37pm just because. Always during Monday morning staff meeting at work. Sometimes in a facebook message. Sometimes I wrote it on the refrigerator. I always told him that I was happy and that it was because of him. I always told him that I couldn't wait to come home that evening so I could cook supper. I always told him that I couldn't wait for him to come home just so I could see him. Hell, I spent my evenings in a gun shop being ignored by 90% of the customers just so I could have that time with him. I made sure that he knew his efforts to please me didn't go unnoticed. He was so proud to make me happy, and I was glad to let him because I knew that is what made him tick. Every night when he came home, he greeted me with, "How was my beautiful wife's day?" or "What did my beautiful wife cook me for supper?" Knowing that I was so happy all of the time (no joke, we were always happy together) is what made him proud to be Steven Habing. We dressed up like pirates to go to Buffett Bash together, and I covered this guy in temp tattoos and made him wear a fake earring and an eye patch. Why? Because it made me "happy happy happy!!"