Inked!

I got a tattoo last Thursday. It reads "Spirit of a Storm." How appropriate. You have two choices about how to respond to my tattoo: 1. Ignore it. 2. Comment on how good it looks and how I made a good decision. This goes along the lines of 'if I want to hear your opinion, I'll tell you what it is.' This is a list of inappropriate responses:

-Staring at it without making a comment. Take a picture, it will last longer.
-Asking me if tattoos are acceptable in my line of work. (I'm not dumb enough to risk my career for a tattoo...)
-Asking me if I was really ready to get a tattoo. Oh well, too late.
-Telling me what I should have gotten instead. Bad for your health.

My attitude lately has been a little weird, and I'm not sure I can describe it accurately. I'll certainly try. Grief is such a funky thing to feel! It is not a step by step process, rather a float-between mix of several emotions at one time. Thus far, I've been at one time angry-sad-depressed, angry-guilty-bargaining, and angry-happy-productive. There is no one feeling that occurs in a single moment. Its all mixed. In the last few days, I've felt a shift. There are still feelings of anger, guilt, sadness, and depression (minimal). However, I've adopted a new perspective. What I've been through at 23 years old must be God and Steven's way of letting me shine for the world. I'm special. Not many get to see this extent of love and support from family, and not a lot of people can say that they are thriving on their own at this age. I'm doing this (for the most part) by myself. That isn't to discount the tremendous help I've had to clean my house, feed me, and simply be with me for the support I so desperately needed. Look at me. I'm 23 years old, I own a wonderful house, I have a beautiful puppy, I have a great support system, I have a career, I have a new Jeep, and I've spent the last five years completely head over heels in love with someone who wanted nothing more out of life than to love me back and make me happy. Minus having children, I have lived what I consider a full life in 23 years. I had more in 23 years than some people have in 73 years. Now, I get to start it all over. I get to live a whole new life again. I get to do it all again! How special. I know I can't have the other life back (that's part of the accepting phase that I'm starting to very slowly feel). I'm letting go of things I can't control. What I can control is how I make this reality in to my own new feeling of happiness. I'm not 'moving on' or 'getting over it'. I'm 'going with it'. I'm continuing to move in ways that 1 month ago I never thought possible. I'm progressing and controlling the things that I can. I have a new appreciation for how unique people are. I may never understand why this is my reality or why this happened to me, but I can't control that. What I can control is how I respond to it, and how I respond to it is going to make me a better person.